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May 20, 2004
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad
I Love this song cause its the opening song in fear and loathing in las vegas. And that is one of my favorite things. But on with the story that begins with molly in a horrible mood and tearing apart wonderful memories and thoughts......
What about the wiltering tulups and crying puppys? What about the dense grave yard and the grieving familys? The melt down of a mad house. The cowerding rat in the corner wher the cat has it traped. The sleepless nights filled with fear and hate for your fellow being.good job, a pat on the back and a tender but useless hand shake. this hand shake has no meaning. Simpley a tool a magnit or a lure to make you feel spiecal. To make it feel offical signed in blood corprate and orginized clean and stirle. A prop to make the deal flawless and set in stone. Awards trophys big shiney metal. WOrking striving rotting away at the end of it all cause you notice that no matter how hard you try your not going to amount to anything more than a corpse 6 feet under in a pitiful wooden box.
Do i really want to hear about your wonderful but spiteful joy rides? How you get your happyness by makeing others misrable. Screwing people over never haveing a care in the world. knowing you won't have to worry about a thing in the future. You feed off of other ruining there lives but knowing if they were to just fade away you wouldn't get anywhere. Your words are quick cunning and painful...
Posted at 07:50 pm by simpleythere
May 18, 2004
Today was a little bit better than the previous days. Casey came to school with a hang over. which was entertaing to watch her play badmitten. Damn i can't spell. And then um free cake. um but then agian i was alone. Hmmm...damn lonelyness i blame alli. ya....i need to get some more friends or maybe a hobby. I hear its good to have those. well anyways nine inch nails is god. and here is the web site so you can watch there really wierd video's (o how i drool) www.nin.com Visit it or feel my rathy doom thing. ok thats it.
Posted at 06:03 pm by simpleythere
May 17, 2004
What about the wiltering tulups and crying puppys? What about the dense graveyard and the grieving familys? The melt down of a mad house. the cowerding corner the rat hides from the cat in. The sleepless nights filled with fear and hate for your fellow beings. Good job, a pat on the bakc, and a tender but useless hand shake. This had shake has no meaning. Simpely a tool, a magnit something to make you feel spiecal. SOmething that makes it offical, singed in blood corprate and orginized clean and sterile. A prop to make the deal flawless and set instone. Awards, trophys, certificates, big shiney medals. Working striving rotting away at the end of it all. Cause no matter how hard you try no matter how hard you work. You know you waon't amount to nothing. Nothing but a corossive corpse 6 feet under in a pitiful wooden box.
Do i really want to hear about your wonderful but spiteful joy rides, How you get your happyness by screwing people over. Never haveing to work for anything. Free loading through life. There words are quick cunning and painful.
Am I coming or am i going. Am i speaking or didn I just think it. Mummbling my way through life. Whishing you could stop but there are no brakes no slowing down. Speeding through life with out a clue whats going on.Ignorance is bliss. But if you go your hole life like that thats all you see. In your own little world. Everything is beautiful and everything is wonderful. You can't see the harsh reality. When the truth hits you you find its not the beautiful heart shaped world you thought it was. Turns out its the oposite. Shit covered and corupt. But then you happyness that just flows through your viens naterally kicks in and you find the world is so ugly that is beautiful. Beautiful because it is so ugly. Because of the way mankind is chaos and order. When its all said and done the chaos is just as beautiful as the order and twice as productive.
my god sits in the back of the limousine
my god comes in a wrapper of cellophane
my god pouts on the cover of the magazine
my god's a shallow little bitch trying to make the scene
I have arrived and this time you should believe the hype
I listened to everyone now I know that everyone was right
I'll be there for you as long as it works for me
I play a game
it's called insincerity
starfuckers
starfuckers
starfuckers, inc.
starfuckers
I am every fucking thing and just a little more
I sold my soul but don't you dare call me a whore
and when I suck you off not a drop will go to waste
it's really not so bad you know once you get past the taste, yeah
(asskisser)
starfuckers
starfuckers
starfuckers, inc.
starfuckers
all our pain
how did you think we'd ever get by without you?
you're so vain
I bet you think this song is about you
don't you?
don't you?
don't you?
don't you?
starfuckers
starfuckers
starfuckers, inc.
starfuckers
now I belong I'm one of the chosen ones
now I belong I'm one of the beautiful ones
Posted at 09:30 pm by simpleythere
May 14, 2004
you let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive
Warping minds they think they can save us.They think they can chane us. Annoyed by there ignorance I zone off. Trying to avoid that very question. "how are you?" Ok would you really be asking me this question if I wasn't depressed? or "are you ok?" How the hell do you rhink i am a murder mystery is quite beautiful compared to my life. Blood. Stiches. The dead silence after a brutial car crash. Sounds of relief. The worst is over. Nothing is over. What about the after math? What about the mess? The hate the tears the uncontrolable screams anger abuse the sleepless nights the longing to be with the ones you miss or love. The dead. The bodies under nieth the worm soaked soil. People you love. The ones you spite. All come together in death. There is no hate in the dead. One big social gathering. A dead mans party.
Anger, you know when its coming. Its not sneaky like depression. Its loud and rambunctious. Can't control the words that come out. Random words of distruction haterd and full blown coruption. It's never ending chain of victims. There is no stoping and there is no speed. There is no speed to hate or anger. Its all slowed down. The words roll off your tounge like honey or the last of the shampoo comeing out of the bottle . time seems to stop. but its a neverf ending stream of insults.
Odd, creative, gross, not cool, loner, disturbed, depressed, suicidal, all are words that people have used to discribe me. Most of which are true. Wanting to be excepted and wanting to be one of them. But is it really about that? of course it is. But i like to and tend to play is off as if it didn't matter. but it really truely does. Thats what bugs me about people today. They say they don't give a fuck and that try to act "hardcore" but all it really does is make them look like assholes or whores or numerous other degradeing things. But in reality when someone makes a coment saying that there stupid or that there just being point less they get annoyed or hurt. I don't care what you say but no matter how "hardcore" you are or how ever much you "don't give a fuck" in the end you really do. Thats why i believe its alway because no matter what some one will be forced to listen to you. Ignored or listen someone no matter how hard they try will not beable to lock you out.
Young brite and annoyed...... let the butterflys and the yellow buttercups go......
Posted at 09:55 pm by simpleythere
May 10, 2004
feeling a little bit.....different
And i thought to myself a fickle thought. While i was thinking i replied to this horrible news. In rage. "Damn you Mexicans" Wrong thing to say at that very time. During this critical moment I decided to get away from the noise. Asleep.
The rain is calming and is often like liquid depression. Depression creeps on to you slowly piling up neglecting every thing else and finally drying up and becomes the sore on the bottoms of your feet. Since you must walk it your shoes scrape at it makeing it a infectous growth it spreads like a sickness.Depression is my sickness. But none the less you have to take things on as they come. Its eaiser to look at the bad things than the good. Ask some one how there day was. If they say good. genrally the convo doesn't get past that. But if there day was bad they will go on to tell you all about there painful day. it seems as though sadness is more frequent then happyness. When i get happyness some times i think i don't deserve it. Maybe if i can execpt it. The fear of trouble is another thing. I am afraid to tell people to much about myself because i am afraid of being judged or betrayed. Its hard for me to make freinds because of this. I wish i was as perfect as them. As perfect as those who are fucking us over. That upper 1%. But maybe just maybe. I will be as perfect as they think they are.
Posted at 06:48 pm by simpleythere
May 5, 2004
Today more than ever Nine Inch Nails has got me throught the day. Pretty Hate Machine is like the best CD all i can seem to do is sit there and mutate and just concentrate to the music. The best 35 minutes of music ever. Trent Reznor is god. I don't care what people say but NIN is a good band. No matter what your into you must make room for them.
Posted at 09:14 pm by simpleythere
May 2, 2004
the hell house i call my life
"Many a morning hath he there been seen,
With tears augmenting the fresh morning's dew,
adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs;
But all so soon as the all cheering sun
should in the farthest east begin to draw
the shady curtains from Aurora' s bed,
Away from light steals home my heavy son
and private in his chamber pens himself
shuts up his windows, locks fair daylight out,
and makes himself an artifical night.
black and portentous must this humor prove
unless good counsel may the cause remove."
Man i am sick of people fucking with my locker at school. I swear by the end of this year its going to be dead. Like on friday i go to open my locker and there was patroleum jelly cramed in the handle. And then like a couple weeks ago my locker was duct taped closed. Who ever has been messing with my locker i would really like it if they would stop....geeze. Well, now i got that out of my system i can calm down.
Man this year is killing me. I watched big fish today. I thought it was really good. SO many people said it was really ok but i thought it was good. I don't know i enjoyed it. I love timburtan. He is god. well not really i just really like his work. NB4XMAS and edward sicssor hands *drool* ok calming down. ya well lets put it this way i really like his work.
Lack of sleep and not enough drugs to make me happy.
Posted at 03:42 pm by simpleythere
Apr 29, 2004
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And That's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.
Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question bout his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed whent
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.
I feel this way many times. Like once things were great. There were smiles on my face. Now there are smiles but never true. All fake. I am sick of being depressed all the time. I fake being happy so maybe one day i will convice myself that i am happy and not so fucked up after all. dramatic is how i would discribe myself. I say how i feel and that makes me go through a reality trip. But one thing i do have to say is that depression has gaven me better grades.
P.E. A-
history B
english C+
Advanced Art B-
Math C
Science D
Are we doomed to this lie
That everythings alright
grief piled apon mope
happyness built off of false hope
roads paved with dreams and wishs
the loved ones they didn't get to give hugs and kisses
Missing you
Mischievous achievment
they don't know the truth
I want to die but not alone i wish there was someone to save me
Posted at 09:13 pm by simpleythere
Apr 21, 2004
Walked away, heard them say
"Poison hearts will never change, walk away again"
Turned away in disgrace
Felt the chill upon my face cooling from within
It's hard to notice gleaming from the sky
When you're staring at the cracks
It's hard to notice what is passing by with eyes lowered
You... walked away, heard them say
"Poisoned hearts will never change, walk away again"
All the cracks will lead right to me
And all the cracks will crawl right through me
All the cracks, they lead right to me
And all the cracks will crawl right through me, and I fell apart
As I... walked away, heard them say
"Poisoned hearts will never change"
Walked away again
Turned away in disgrace
Felt the chill upon my face cooling from within
Just give me a beer hey mom did you take my bong just give me some rope no it won’t take long politics no politics just lay me here fucked up in the sand just give me some pain and I’ll spit up the rage just give me some pills I’ll do it today just hand me a pill I think I’ll change my name give me something to kill it might brighten my day destroy the plan creative plan it doesn’t matter anyway my mom and dad can’t recognize me just feed me some pain and I’ll spit up the rage just give me some pills and I’ll do it today just give me a cross of something straight black to where just give me some pain something to pull back my hair under dog no under dog just leave me here to bleed in the sand just feed me some pain and I’ll spit up the rage just give me some pills and I’ll do it today
I don't know how to say it but i am really confused. Right now i can't connect myself with anything and if i do i am become to attached. I don't know what to make of things and feel left out. The world does not revolve around me and i keep having to remind myself of this. Well at least i am a where of this unlike some people. But its hard for me. But i guess thats just the teenage ways. You know the hole i am so into myself and can only think of whats best for me type of thing. I wish i wasn't selfish but i think everyone is at this age. I don't know thats just my thinking. I could be wrong. And i am always willing to admit when i am.
Right now i am applying for jobs. I am trying to avoid working at mcdonalds. Ewww all that grease and fat and its just so depressing. Ya i am applying at Blockbusters and Safeway and Albertsons. Hopefully i will get the job. And won't have to resort to well you no grease.
Well hope everyone had a good 4:20. Mine was boring and depressing but thats basically my life so ya....hopefully no one got to fucked up.
Posted at 09:05 pm by simpleythere
Apr 20, 2004
today is 4:20
The name came from the number code that the cops used for someone smokeing weed.
I know to much now i will leave
Happy 4:20
Posted at 08:38 pm by simpleythere
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